Tuesday, August 16, 2011


[this is not true. Just want to make that clear, because my class thought it was. This was intended to make you think. did it?]

If I could change one thing about my past, I would never have been baptized.

It’s cruel, when you think about it. The priest dunks a crying baby into some water that probably has pee in it from all the other babies—but it’s okay! It’s “holy”. Not that the kid knows that, poor thing. All she knows is some weird guy just tried to drown her. She’s too young to know that God supposedly accepts her now.

And He didn’t before.

Sometimes baptism is thought to be an expression of mercy to children and newborns…
We are not baptized, dunked, made into cookie-cutter Christians and God is happy.
Baptism is not the healing of a disease

I went to Sunday School like a good little Catholic kid. I went to Mass every time I was told to. I learned about the sacraments, and I learned if I didn’t fulfill them all, God would never let me into Heaven.

But He still loved me.

It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. One time I asked my teacher to explain the Holy Trinity—how is God supposed to be three separate beings and yet one at the same time?

“God does not want us to understand Him.”

Bullshit, lady. You just don’t know.

the Father is God,
the Son is God,
and the Holy Spirit is God,
and yet there are not three Gods
but one God.
Athanasian Creed

My life changed when I spent a summer bored. My only source of entertainment was the public library, and I read anything I could.

I read philosophy a lot. I learned that not everyone believes in God. No, scratch that, I knew that.

I learned that those who don’t believe in God aren’t always bad people.

My parents told me to take what I was reading “with a grain of salt”. They told me those who haven’t seen THE WAY OF OUR LORD can seem very intelligent but their eyes have never been opened to the truth.

A common objection to atheism -- one stated by many scholars and laymen, theists and nontheists -- is that it is impossible to prove the nonexistence of God.
Indeed, there are actually two ways to prove the nonexistence of something. One way is to prove that it cannot exist because it leads to contradictions
The other way to prove the nonexistence of something is… The basic idea is that some objects are said to be detectable in some way.

I remember when a Planned Parenthood opened up downtown. My school organized us to go to a protest—with parental permission, but what good Catholic parent doesn’t want their kid to hate abortion?

They made us, twelve and thirteen years old, hold up signs displaying dead babies and slogans proclaiming all girls getting abortions were going to Hell.

One of the pregnant girls was no older than me. She was crying.


I had to go to confession after school. I still don’t know why what I said was wrong.

daily presence at the clinic to provide information about Planned Parenthood and raise public awareness
show the community that this is not right

I never stopped believing in God. Don’t get me wrong.

I’m not an atheist. I never was an atheist. I don’t know what I am.

When I graduated high school, we had one final Mass. I dutifully stepped up to take communion and I refused the Host.

No, that’s not true. I refused a stupid little cracker and some grape juice. (they couldn’t trust us to have wine) There is no way that tiny piece of processed wheat actually became flesh, or the juice became blood as real as if I’d pricked my finger.

How could they punish me for this? I’d already graduated. I didn’t care.

Some of my friends, the ones who swore they would forever be my friends, stopped talking to me after that day. Maybe college just drifted us apart.

But it was probably because I told Father Donovan that the church is a lie.

As we receive Christ's Body and Blood,
we also are nourished spiritually and brought closer to God!

It’s amazing how many people don’t understand me.

You don’t belong to any church? So you’re an atheist, right?

Wait, you believe in God but you don’t go to church? You should really try harder to find one you like.

Agnostic deist is the term I found on Wikipedia. It really means one who acknowledges that the truth about higher beings cannot be truly known, as well as one who still believes that there is a God out there. But whenever anyone gives me that clueless look and asks what I mean?

“I believe in God. I don’t believe in religion.”

And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
Matthew 6:5-6

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